She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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