For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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