I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize