I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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