Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
