ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
