Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
