Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize