one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
