I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
