whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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