Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
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