Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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