Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
