so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
