alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
