Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
