I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize