So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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