Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Randomize
