dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
