I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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