i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize