It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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