babies were throwing up all over the place
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
