i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize