I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
