I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
