No, you can still breathe under the balls.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize