just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
