i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
