Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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