i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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