i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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