I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
