I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
