booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
