He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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