dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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