he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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