Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
