Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
