I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
