We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize