can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
