I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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