Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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