i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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