Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
