why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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