My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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