my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
