I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
