Dual....:-)
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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