Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
