i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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