Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize