thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I enjoy the company of your penis
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
