Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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