:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
