when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
