ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
