you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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