Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
