My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
