You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
