I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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