The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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