I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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