No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
