You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize