Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
