Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
