Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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