ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
