I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
