Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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