So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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