I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
