HIV tests are more positive than that guy
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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