So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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