I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
