whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize