So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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