Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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