'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We have started to decorate penises.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
