that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
