you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
